And we’re back with the year in review:
Sound: It was a real mix of types of work. Production and post sound on both narratives (feature and short) and documentaries (features and series).
Writing: I was hired to co-create and write a treatment, outline, and pilot for an animated series. I am working on a rewrite of my Sundance Lab project “Zeroes and Ones,” which is now ever more relevant given today’s world of ever more accessible AI. Alexandra and I are also collaborating on another script.
Filmmaking: Alexandra and I are endeavoring to finish a funny and thoughtful documentary we have had in the can for some time now. I was also chosen as an alpha tester artist for OpenAI’s Sora generative video platform (now public) and am working on a hybrid project with it.
Travel: Much less for work. Due to the overall slowdown in production, I’ve gotten to be home more much to everyone’s delight in the household. Alex and I went to Peru and we took the kids to the Grand Canyon (were they even impressed?).
Politics: Not going there. You know.
Shameless plug: Call me for your next project.
Overall, as usual, it was a winger of a year. But here’s the thing, we are always up against the world, climbing over one barrier or another. Our stone-age brains are wired to bias toward the worst present and future but remember the best pasts. Madness, I say. But do not despair. The obstacle is the way. Onward!
So, I leave you with what was maybe the most unique (strange? sexy? odd?) shoot of the year for me, in the best location. Ordinarily, I do not release these until the movie or show is made (I’m ready to go back anytime - please fund this!). In any event, anyone who didn’t grow up renting VHS tapes probably won’t even know what or who it’s all about. Nevertheless, I have redacted as necessary to protect the innocent.
May your new year be filled with blessings, love, joy, industry, and everything that makes you happy.
All good thoughts and wishes,
Avi
Project: [REDACTED]
Cast of Characters:
E - Director
J - Self
E2 - Producer
T- Self
J2 - Self
Mike - DP
Ted - B-Cam
April 23, 2024
Casa Ocho!
I awoke after sleeping deeply for ten hours. The bed was a haven, cradling me in its warm embrace and sending my dreams on a journey through the night. I had been adrift in a sea of slumber, finally finding peace after weeks of restless nights. The stories of my subconscious unfolded before me, like a movie with clear beginnings, middles, and ends. Even when I stirred at 6 AM, I sank back into the softness knowing I didn't need to rise just yet. It was pure bliss until I opened my eyes to start the day and received a text from Ted, like a beacon guiding me to coffee on the patio where he had already welcomed the dawn with open arms.
Yes, I remind myself, we are in Mexico, in Punta Mita, a kind of Jurassic Park for millionaire human fossils, some of whom we passed by on our golf cart the night before on our way back from dinner. Like ancient creatures trapped in amber, they zoomed by us in their luxury carts. “Casa Ocho!” shouted a bleached "Mrs. McCallister" to the guard as she raced past, leaving us behind in our own cluelessness. They glowed with preserved youth and privilege, looking down benevolently at our ragged and obvious outsider status, like ancient deities observing mere mortals. But I didn't mind as I gazed at the full moon, savoring the lingering taste of grilled shrimp on my lips, our rich surroundings reminding me of a lost civilization.
So, yes, in Mexico and now awake, like a conquistador entering new territory after ordering his crew to burn the ships. I was slowly awakening to the bustling morning routine. Mike, our savior, and chef, crafted breakfast from the bountiful supplies Jess and Fabian had stocked for us - enough eggs, milk, and ham to last a month. As I watched Ted pick at his fruit, I devoured my eggs with a ferocity that could rival that of a Mayan warrior taking down a jaguar with nothing but his hands. Of course, this comparison was far-fetched, as we were comfortably nestled in an air-conditioned rental equipped with modern appliances like a toaster and microwave.
After we gathered our gear, we set off for J’s place. Like navigating through a labyrinth whose center hides the great goddess of ageless softcore VHS tapes, we made our way past multiple guardhouses and gates until we reached the 36th chamber. As we stepped inside, the expansive compound opened up before us like a giant cathedral, radiating a sense of warmth and tranquility. Ted warned us about the "anything" button on the phone, comparing it to a genie's lamp with unlimited power. Despite his warning, my mind couldn't help but dream up possibilities beyond just summoning a helicopter.
Then E met up with J and we began with a walk into the abode. J explained the origin of saying “speed” (after all he’s a “documentary” filmmaker who went to USC) when starting to film and then proclaimed his desire to tell it all and hold nothing back. This was the time to make the story known, and E was the one to receive it.
Sitting down in the main room, legs crossed, but not in a “feminine way,” J and E got down to business. Like synchronized ice dancers competing for the gold medal, they effortlessly glided from topic to topic, trading opinions, and ideas as if it were second nature. His show was number one on [REDACTED] and the whole business was built on his marketing genius. Just like how everyone naturally craves a good meal, men are drawn to women by instinct. Even social media giant Facebook was built on this primal desire. But enough about that, let's get to the real issue at hand - the outrageous lies being spread about J. This is going to be the greatest untold story of all time, people! And don't worry, the [REDACTED] were handsomely compensated for their participation. Talk about a win-win situation!
Facts: J is Catholic. There’s a new trend of people crushing human bones and snorting them. And yes, Incels are real. But the problem is that if you look on Google, you’re not going to get the real facts about Joe. He bought [REDACTED] and then sold it back to them. There are three unique people in the universe - Larry Flynt, creepy old Hugh Hefner, and J. Only one is still alive. Kobe Bryant told J that he was “his hero.”
Let's face it, men are just more visually stimulated when it comes to sex. They need a real-life girl next door to fantasize about while their brain is on autopilot. And that's where our friend J comes in - he basically lived the life of a rockstar before it was even cool, and his website was probably one of the first ever created (take that, Al Gore). But he’s a serial monogamist despite all the fun throughout his 20s and 30s. He even did IVF and chose to have daughters. Girls just love their daddies more and he can spoil them a lot easier. He’s not into the tough love thing, anyway. He’s a romantic!
As for the origin story - just like a Marvel superhero (Captain Video?), it all began with his [REDACTED] videos. The genius of it all was that he licensed the footage (just like E did) - it already existed! Then, one night, alone in his fortress of solitude, he was watching a tape that went in to him for review and he came across what would soon become his goldmine, his treasure trove - hours upon hours of [REDACTED]. On the spot he licensed the entire library of material and [REDACTED] was born.
And then, lunch. Mike and Ted, with shoulders tired and armpits sweaty led the way to the taco set up by the entrance. There, modestly set up was the offering - six types of tacos and endless choices for combinations of toppings. I briefly considered entering all the variables into ChatGPT to help determine the best permutation, but instead asked for a mushroom birria, chicken, and one jicama. Then, adding pineapple (Al Pastor!), cilantro, onion, and salsa verde, I concocted a Mexican Arnold Palmer from the hibiscus and green tea barrels and sat down for the meal.
As I took my first bite, the flavors danced on my tongue like a mariachi band playing a lively tune. Ted's praise for the guacamole was like a standing ovation, while Mike struggled with the spiciness of the mushroom birria like a sailor navigating rough waters. T knew he’d be good with three tacos but it was the kind of fare that would make him go back for six. Meanwhile, between bites, J2 outlined the proper schedule for this latitude, and I found myself wanting to live that perfect life - waking early, exercising, having a meal, and then tequila until sunset.
As for my meal, it was sublime. The flavors all agreed with each other like crewmembers on a racing yacht, each performing their assigned task with precision and aplomb. The spices were not too intense and yet could not be ignored. Each bite was a burst of flavors - the smokiness of the chicken, the tanginess of the pineapple, and the freshness of the cilantro, all complemented by the spice of the salsa verde. I couldn’t stop myself and yet I knew I had had enough when the plate was empty. Some folks finished with a cookie, and Ted, ever the Alabamian, capped his best taco experience with a bag of queso-flavored Ruffles.
The post-meal banter tacked from trying to determine the cubic volume of the main room and if Ted’s entire house could fit into it horizontally. E2 considered building a loft level wherein he could reside, like a gargoyle. Mike then tried to gaslight us with obviously fake news about pelicans going blind from diving into the water; he hadn’t yet heard about evolution. But E2, ever the skeptic, fact-checked with Google (which we all know can't be trusted - just look at what it says about J).
And suddenly, we were transported back to the blissful days of the 90's. You know, when phones weren't glued to our hands like an extra appendage? Oh, those were the good old days before TikTok took over. J just wanted to create something light and fun, so he decided to do his own music instead of sticking with the usual hard rock that was so sexy back then. And who could forget the time that The Donald and J had a bromance for the ages, starting with lunch and ending with thirty tapes being delivered for a night-long binge session. E couldn't believe how many times one man could possibly “wank” in a day.
Finally, there’s David Pecker and Kim. David taught him how it works in the media and J parlayed his knowledge into helping Kim. I’d bet good money J’s got points on every dollar she’s ever made despite his hands being clean from it all. She wanted to be famous? Mission accomplished. Talk about a dream team in the realm of fame. But J knows all too well that in the end, no one will remember any of this. Except maybe USA Today, America's "McPaper," where J is listed as number 23 out of 25 "revolutionary" things to happen in US history - thanks to his pioneering work showcasing [REDACTED]. Check and Mate.
With the conversation on pause, we headed outside. A walk on the beach, a stroll by the pool and then Mike and Ted baptized themselves in the living waters, filming epic GoPro shots. The result - images befitting a 90’s album cover. Nailed it!
And then we were done. We packed up, rolled out, and via some secret tunnel passageway we somehow made it back to our spot without ever leaving the reservation or needing to bribe yet another Punta Mita militiaman. As the sun set, we poured ourselves a finger of Blanco and were reminded by our absentee hosts that “tequila fixes everything.”
Indeed. It was a good day.